Staring At Strangers Better

As the poet and activist bell hooks wrote, "The gaze has always been a site of power." Throughout history, those in power (men looking at women, bosses looking at employees, majorities looking at minorities) have used the stare to assert dominance. To stare ethically at a stranger, you must be willing to look away first. The power to break the gaze is the power to respect the other. Next time you are in a safe, public place—perhaps a park bench or a quiet café—try this experiment. Disrupt the norm of "civil inattention."

A stare becomes harassment when it is trapping . If the stranger looks away, then looks back, and you are still staring, you have broken the contract. You have moved from observation to occupation. Staring at Strangers

Staring at strangers, done with kindness, is an act of radical hospitality in an indifferent universe. The next time you find yourself staring at the bald spot of the man reading the newspaper, or the intricate embroidery on the jacket of the woman across the subway aisle, don't punish yourself. You aren't being nosy. You are being human. As the poet and activist bell hooks wrote,